I have entirely too much crap. I know that I do, I recognize the problem, and yet...I want more. There was a Berenstain Bears book my mother would read to me as a kid about the Green Eyed Monster of jealousy that should probably be revisited. Too many clothes, books, trinkets, ingredients, shoes...oh my god, the shoes. In the moment I'm able to justify it to myself. I lost weight, needed new clothes. Started bartending, needed new slutty clothes. Worked my first office job, needed new professional clothes. Gained weight, needed bigger professional clothes. Went back to bartending, needed bigger bartending clothes. Style changes as I get older, you'll never guess. Yup, more clothes. Jesus Christ what is my problem? I try to be conscious of the amount I'm spending on clothes, shopping second hand, but it's still too much! Have I always been like this?
The answer is pretty obviously no. I grew up raised by a single mom working two jobs, it didn't matter how badly we wanted that Furby or Cheetah Girls sweatshirt, the answer was no. I've seen people name the voice inside their head after their mother, so when you have the fleeting thought oh you don't need that, it's a bit harsher and more likely to get through to you. Sure, I can pretend to be my mother, but, much like how conversations with my actual mother go, I'll end up ignoring those warning after some time. Then it hit me, clearly I enjoyed using fashion as a way to express myself creatively, even if it wasn't always within reason. Because, realistically, why would a girl in Smalltown, USA need a pair of Jeffrey Campbell Lita's? But what if I get invited to a last minute rock show and I need the perfect boots for an outfit? What if I get invited to a luxury event and need that evening gown? What if? What if? What if? Bitch it sounds like you just want to play pretend. And there's nothing wrong with that! I think I've done that for most of my life. From playing dress up with friends to dress up games online with JavaScript, clothes can be fun! But how do you play dress up with clothes you don't have for events you'll never go to? Back in my day, it was called Polyvore.
The first time I was introduced to the website was through a Justin Bieber fanfic on Wattpad. She had an author's note at the beginning of a chapter with a hyperlinked image that opened up a world of possibilities. Dozens and dozens and dozens of clothing items, accessories, makeup, and other vaguely aesthetic jpegs were uploaded into a digital catalog for you to pick from to make the perfect mood board for any scenario.
Hanging out with Justin on the tour bus after a show at Madison Square Garden. Grabbing Chinese takeout with Harry Styles after he sees you reading in the crowd. Going shopping with Little Mix for the VMAs red carpet. Were these actual events a chubby, frizzy, awkward seventh grade Valentine would be in? Probably not. But was I ready if the moment would arise? Absolutely.
So, as I sit on my couch now after loading the dishwasher and cleaning up Maple's hairball, I see people on social media begin posting about Olivia Rodrigo's Daisy Chain Fields. Their travels to California, merch lines, what they were bringing in their tiny plastic purses, and getting dressed for the day. A music festival actually sounds like my worst nightmare, let alone one at the end of August in the California desert, so this is really a situation I could never be in. But I scroll and I scroll and I see girls doing their makeup and getting done up in 70s-inspired looks and I begin to think, what would I wear if I was going?
Polyvore, or what I once knew it as, no longer exists. The website is technically still there but it's different now and I could barely navigate the homepage. I looked up what modern alternatives there were these days and the stupid Google AI robot let me know about a website called ShopLook.io that is nearly identical to what I grew up using. I made an account, downloaded a browser extension so I could easily transfer over photos from Pinterest, and got to styling. This was so much fun to play around with and the users who are uploading new items daily are literal angels. I can see myself adding this into the rotation of fun ways to use the internet again and slow down my social media consumption. 13 Going on 30 wasn't fiction at all, it was a prophecy.
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