With a Splash of Pomegranate

I spent the better part of 2025 bartending in a college town and desperately applying for any position that I could find. I was desperate, broke, and depressed which is an incredible combination of things to be while handling seemingly unlimited amounts of alcohol. Bad interview? Drink. Good interview? Drink! Going out? Let's get a drink. Staying in? I'll grab some drinks from the store. It seemed, at least from the inside, that I had very little control over my life and happiness and I just gave up and drank. I gained weight like crazy and was getting sick constantly, but it wasn't enough to make me stop. 

Once I hit my breaking point this past July, not drinking has been relatively easy despite the...initial road bumps. I've really loved how I've been feeling without alcohol in my system. Waking up for work without throwing up, not saying embarrassing things around people I care about, stressing myself out that everyone else is noticing that I'm drinking more than them. Now I've been naturally waking up at seven in the morning on the weekends, my brain is clearer and I feel like I'm able to make better conversation with those around me, I'm having to be intentional about how I spend time that was previously used to rot on the couch in a drunken state. It would seem like every aspect of my life that could be improved by cutting out alcohol, was. But as I hit the two-month mark leading up to my 30th birthday, I found myself feeling apprehensive about celebrating. Did I know how to host a party sober?

I love to host, entertain, and cook for the people I love. The last few years I hosted small scale friendsgiving dinners that I singlehandedly catered. Main courses, multiple side dishes and desserts, batch cocktails in a punch bowl - throwing parties is where I thrive, the spirit of Martha Stewart comes over me in a warm haze. The best parties are ones where there's good food set out, an 80s music video playlist on the television, and people are able to chat and lounge and do as they please. I hate a group activity and I really hate a group game. Once at a bachelorette party I hid in the bathroom for 48 minutes while everyone else played a riveting round of charades. No offense if that's your thing, but it certainly isn't mine. I love going all out on decor, food, and drinks to have the rest of the night stay casual and fun. Hosting is in my blood at this point, but do I have it in me to do it without drinking?

Last night my butch and I went to a get together at our friend's new apartment a few towns over. I was around strangers that turned friends by the end of the evening. We joked, laughed, sang, and ate so much cheese. Our friend pulled me aside when I first got there to let me know she made a batch mocktail because she knew I stopped drinking with spiced and pomegranate juice and it was so good I'm stealing the recipe to make it at my birthday party. That's right, in the process of writing out my thoughts into this blog post, I've made the decision that I do want to have a birthday party. I'm turning thirty and I've never felt more prepared in my life to tackle not only a new year, but a new decade, too. I have been at parties and bars without feeling pressured to drink. These are my friends who want to come together and ring in the next year with me, isn't that something to celebrate? Now we just have to think of a theme.